Things the YGO cast would never say!
by Retarded-Girls-From-Hell
Summary: Just some random randomness written by Treason and KC its a sort of funny thing we wrote.... ' Enjoy! rated T for strong language rating may go up! and there is a possibility of more chapters!
1. The Begining

Treason: Time for another crappy fic!!!!

KC: Yay! ... I think....

Treason: **DISCLAIMER!!!! WE DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS, IF WE DID THEN ALL CHARACTERS WOULD BE GAY!!**

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**Things The YU-GI-OH Cast Would Never Say**

**Yugi**** - **Fuck this!! lets all go clubbin' and get laid!!

.......................................... **THE SCENE** ....................................................

"Hey Yug wanna play a card game?"

"Sure why not"

"Right game on!!"

**Half way through the match.....**

"I Play Flame Swordsman!! Turn end!!"

"Ok i pl...... Oh fuck this!! Lets go clubbin' then get laid!!

____________________________________________________________

**Yami** - Screw leather I'm going to be a crossdresser!!!!

................................................**THE SCENE**.................................................

"Come on Yami we need to go and get some new clothes!!"

"But I don't want to go shopping"

"Awwwww come on i'll get you some new leather"

"Screw leather!! I'm going to be a crossdresser"

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**Bakura** - Pharaoh I love you!! Marry me!

.............................................**THE SCENE**.................................................

**During a duel between Yami and Bakura.....**

"I summon Dark Magician!! and end my turn!!"

"Ok i summon...... um..... Shit.... Pharaoh I love you!!! Marry me!!

____________________________________________________________

**Ryou** - *Manic laughing*

...........................................**THE SCENE**...................................................

**Ryou is laughing manically about something and two people are watching and commenting.....**

"I think he's British"

"He's insane!!"

"Yep definitely British"(1)

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**Seto** - The Blue Eyes White Dragon isn't actually my favourite card..... it's Kuriboh!

..................................................**THE SCENE**............................................

"So Mr Kaiba is it true that your favourite card is the Blue Eyes White Dragon?"

"No, the Blue Eyes White Dragon isn't actually my favourite card.... it's Kuriboh!"

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**Joey** - OK who wants to buy my sister?!

....................................................**THE SCENE**..........................................

"I wonder why Joey called us all here today"

"hmm.... same here it must be something important"

"i agree"

"just who is that crazy kid?"

"his names Joey"

**Joey stands up on a stage holding a microphone..**

"OK!! WHO WANTS TO BUY MY SISTER?! SHES GOING FOR A GOOD PRICE!!"

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(1) Treason is British and Insane and so are most of her British friends (and non-British friends =_=') but if anyone takes offence then sorry

Treason: ...... well that was interesting....

KC: Yup! R&R if you want! ^ ^


	2. The Marriage

Treason: ….. um…. New chapter yay!!..... I think…

KC: …Yep… OK! If you've read either/any of our other stories, PLEASE REVIEW THEM!!!!!...

Treason: She means on our single name thingies….

KC: :P

Treason: I'm MissTreason and she's Cheesecakeprincess read our stories!!!!!!! DX

KC: …=_="… :P

Treason: now on with the story!!

KC: YAY!!

Disclaimer: See chapter 1!!!!

* * *

**Seto: ****But I don't want to be the Best man I want to be the flower girl!!**

**............................................................................................................... THE SCENE ........................................................................................................**

**A conversation between Bakura and Seto before the wedding (see chapter 1)…**

"But Bakura, I don't want to be the Best man, I want to be the flower girl!"

"Tough, you can't be the flower girl because Ryou's the flower girl!"

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* * *

**

**Ryou****: **But I don't want to be the flower girl I want to be the best man!!

******............................................................................................................... THE SCENE ........................................................................................................**

**Yet another conversation this time between Bakura, Ryou and Seto**

"But Bakura, I don't want to be the flower girl, I want to be the best man!!"

"See, I could be the flower girl!!"

"…… Dammit"

**

* * *

**

**Joey****: Here comes the bride~~ all fat and wide!!~~**

**............................................................................................................... THE SCENE ........................................................................................................**

"Here comes the bride~~ all fat and wide!!~~"

"Don't do that Joey Bakura will murder you!!"

**

* * *

**

**Malik****: WOOO~~!! I caught the bouquet!!**

******............................................................................................................... THE SCENE ........................................................................................................**

**After the beautiful ceremony where only one person was killed - R.I.P Tea/Anzu (NOT!!!!!)**

"wooo~~!! I caught the bouquet!!"

**Malik looks at Marik slyly**

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* * *

**

**Marik****: Why are you looking at me like that?**

******............................................................................................................... THE SCENE ........................................................................................................**

**Shortly after Malik caught the bouquet…..**

"Why are you looking at me like that Malik?"

"Heh heh heh"

**Malik drags Marik off somewhere…..**

**

* * *

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**Yami****: OWW you bastard, you stood on my foot!!!**

**During the slow dance where the happy couple (Bakura and Yami) are dancing (see chapter 1)**

"Oww you bastard, you stood on my foot!!!"

**Random laughing and snickering in the background….**

******............................................................................................................... THE SCENE ........................................................................................................**

**Bakura****: Well, it's not **_**my**_** fault your feet are bigger than Ryou's!!**

**This dance is taking a long time don't you thinkles?**

"Well, it's not _my_ fault your feet are bigger than Ryou's!!"

"When were you dancing with Ryou??!!"

"None of your bees wax pharaoh!"

**Aahhhh… young love and happy marriages…… I think….**

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* * *

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**Yugi****: Let's take our clothes off and go dancing in the cemetery!!**

******............................................................................................................... THE SCENE ........................................................................................................**

**At the party after a few (dozen) drinks…**

"Let's take our clothes off and go dancing in the cemetery!!!!"

**Everyone…..**

"yeah, why not?"

"WooHoo!!"

"I think I'm gonna throw up….."

**Um…. I think that's disrespecting the dead and all……**

"Let's go!!"

"I really don't feel well….."

"Ewww~ stay away from me sicky!!"

**ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!!!???**

"Nope!" 

"No"

"What?"

"Bleeeeaaaarrrrggggh"

"Yuck"

"Ummm…."

**Serves you all right!!**

* * *

**FIN**…

For now…. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!! Wait for the next chapter Fu-fu-fu

Treason: Yay it's over!! Now to go to the St. Bonaface (….SP?) fair!!!

KC: ummm… I... ummm… kinda forgot what it was I was gonna say…


	3. The Divorce

Treason: YAY!!! We're back!! With another crappy chapter!!

KC: That may be true but, I forgot what I was gonna say again!!!!!

Treason: ….. Whatever: p

KC: Ummm…. Right. We are now starting SXJ and MXM.

Treason: Yep and that not all that's new!! We are gonna start a new story called **'CRAPPY CHAT UP LINES FOR YGO FIRST DATES'** YGO cast of course ;)

KC: Yup! Ummm….Oh yes. We also have a new character: Thief King Bakura!!!! But we call him Akefia due to shortening reasons (which I just had to use… not that it did much…) and because most people know him by that name.

Treason: DISCLAIMER SEE CHAPTER 1

KC: As always… ENJOY! :P R&R if you like!!

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Malik****: something old… something new… something borrowed…. And something blue!!**

~~~~~~~~~~~~**THE SCENE**~~~~~~~~~~~~

**In the last chapter the happy couple of Bakura and Yami were married in this chapter the not so happy couple is getting a divorce.**

**At the moment Malik is preparing for his own wedding yet Marik is yet to agree…… oh well!!!!**

"Something old… something new… something borrowed…. And something blue!!"

"Um… what is Malik doing?"

"The narrator just told us"

"Really!!?"

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**MARIK****: *muttering rocking back and forth in a corner***

~~~~~~~~~~~~**THE SCENE**~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Marik is rocking back and forth in a corner muttering to himself about the unfairness of the world and what to get as a wedding present….. Lord help us…**

**Ryou and Malik are having a conversation about his behaviour.**

"Malik….. What the hell is wrong with Marik?"

"He's just happy about getting married"

"Really? 'coz he doesn't look it…."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!?!?!"

"Nothing!"

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**YUGI****: See Malik, All weddings end in HATE!!!!!**

~~~~~~~~~~~~**THE SCENE**~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Yugi joins in the conversation between Ryou and Malik they look to see the bickering couple (Yami and Bakura) Signing papers (not so much of a couple now…. Mwahahaha)**

"See Malik, All weddings end in HATE!!!!!"

"N-no they don't"

"YES THEY DO, IT IS WELL KNOWN!!!"

"RAWWRR"

"Um…. Guys?"

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**SETO****: …… I LOVE YOU JOEY!!!!!!**

~~~~~~~~~~~~**THE SCENE**~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Now we go over to see Seto and Joey standing and err…. Talking?**

**Out of the blue…..**

"…….. I LOVE YOU JOEY!!!!!"

**That was very loud if you didn't know…. Not that any of you listen to me!!**

**Anyway, random people are deciding to discuss it…**

"Um…. Why the hell did he shout?"

"Was that really Seto?!"

"I think so…."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**JOEY****: I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!**

~~~~~~~~~~~~**THE SCENE**~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Without hesitation…**

"I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!"

**1****st**** narrator: Wow everyone is falling in love and really really need to get lives *smiles***

**2****nd**** narrator: Yup!**

***ALL* **"HEY!!!!!!"

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**YAMI****: **_**Fine!**_** I'll marry Ryou instead!**

~~~~~~~~~~~~**THE SCENE**~~~~~~~~~~~~

**2****nd**** narrator: OK, I'm taking over for now. **

**While all that was happening the couple-no-longer just finished signing the divorce papers…**

"_Fine!_ I'll marry Ryou instead!!"

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**BAKURA****: Grrrr…. **_**That **_**was **_**my**_** line!**

~~~~~~~~~~~~**THE SCENE**~~~~~~~~~~~~

**1****st**** narrator: I'm back!! I bet you didn't even realise I was gone!! Anyway in reply to Yami's statement Bakura had this to say….**

"Grrr….. _That _was _my _line!!"

**Clever Bakura. Patchi patchi pachi! (1)**

"WATCH IT!!"

**1****st****: Oh so **_**now **_**you notice me!!**

**2****nd****: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!**

**HA!**

**1****st****:……Bitch…**

**2****nd****: **_**SCREW**__**YOU**_**!!!**

**Any way let's get back on track…*Smiles***

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Ryou****: YES! Now…. *plots on how to get Bakura***

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**THE SCENE**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**As soon as the papers were signed and Little Mr Ryou saw he decided to plot…..**

"YES!! Now….."

**He is now plotting on how to get Bakura *smiles***

**2****nd****: Not that he really needs to of course.**

**Hey I'm the narrator here!!! Get your own show!!**

**2****nd****: I've said it once and I'll say it again… **_**SCREEEEEEW YOU!!!!**_

.................................................................................................................................

**Akefia****: What about me?.....**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**THE SCENE**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**There is someone else here and they are watching the entire scene yet no one seems to notice…. Sound familiar anyone?!**

"Um…. Hello? What about me?"

**Don't worry you'll be in the next chapter *smiles***

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~END~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Till next time *smirks***

(1) Patchi patchi patchi means Clap clap clap :)

Treason: YAY!! All done!!!

KC: *hums funeral tune*

Treason: …. OK…..

KC: R&R if you like!!

Treason: I'm watching you!!!

DO THE HAPPY DANCE!!

( =_=) ^(=_=)^ (=_=)


	4. The Intermission

KC: Please Hang On, Treason is Busy with E-Number Sweets & a Bowl at the Moment. Yay! E-numbers!!! XD

Yum!!!

Treason: E-NUMBERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Inspiration for next chapter here we come!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X3

We both like E-Numbers………. Now back to the story people this will be an intermission before the next wedding……..

KC: To anybody, which flavour of Millions do you like best? Anyway, Bakushipping _may_ be hinted at, so be warned…

**DISCLAIMER: SEE CHAPTER 1 AND ALSO WE DO NOT OWN ANY FOOD OR DRINKS MENTIONED ANYWHERE IN THIS CHAPTER OR ANY OTHERS AFTER IT!!!!!**

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**Minority Scene:**

**.................................................................................................................................**

**Bakura and Ryou have gone out for a beautiful walk where Bakura only sent 3 park benches to the shadow realm and killed 2 people for trying to flirt with Ryou **

**2****nd****: For what were the park benches sent to the shadow realm? For flirting with Ryou too?!**

**1****st****: I don't know ask Bakura!!!!**

**2****nd****: I think I'll pass on that, actually…**

**1****st****: ok…… anyway back to the setting and romantic shit like that……**

"Bakura! Look! There's a short-haired, tanned and smexier version of you with no top on over there!"

**2****nd****: Akefia runs over like they do in those Hollywood films. Ryou is currently pointing and drooling…**

"You're right Ryou, he _is_ smexy! But I'm Hot and you're Cute…. I wonder what that would look like together…."

**2****nd****: He's drooling to now…**

**1****st****: E-NUMBERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**2****nd****: Right… Ignore her…**

**1****st****: everyone ignores me anyway!!!! I mean they never ever listen to me even if I'm the one telling the story **_**AND**_** directing them!!!**

"Hey there… My name is Akefia… wanna threesome?"

**2****nd****: How… um… Direct.**

**1****st****: I would have said blunt**

**2****nd****: Same thing to be absolutely honest…**

"Sure"

"Sure, why not?"

**2****nd****: Now that that's sorted, let's get back to the **_**real**_** story!**

**1****st****: And they called it **_**puppy love**_

**2****nd****:…**_**WHY?!!**_

**1****st****: 'coz we have the first official puppyshipping thing in this chapter….. (I think…..)**

**2****nd****: They confessed their love in the last chapter… Meh, We'll make this the official one then!**

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Marik and Malik's Very Own Scene!!!**

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"M-Malik…"

**2****nd****: Ooooh~! He's blushing~!**

"I've decided…that… that I love you and I _will_ marry you!!"

**1****st****: Well done Marik you confessed! Patchi patchi patchi!**

**2****nd****: Yay! =)**

**1****st****: Bronzeshipping is complete!!! **

**2****nd****: Double Yay!**

**1****st****: And now it's time for Malik to give a reply**

"Of _course_ you do, dear~!"

"I Love you!!"

"I love you too! Now shut up I'm reading!"

**1****st****: Marik goes over to Malik and then lifts him up and they start making-out :D**

**2****nd****: Or Snogging depending on whether you're British or American… or so they say, I think…**

**1****st****: Or whether you have a dirty mind or not……. **

**2****nd****: This is rated teen so we're going to skip the rest of what happens here and move on to our BIGGEST, FINAL scene! …Of this Chapter anyway…**

**1****st****: ONE MORE CHAPTER WOOOOOOOOOO~**

**2****nd****: YAY!!**

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Everybody Else's Scene!!!**

……………………………………………………………………………………………**...**

**Yugi**"Hey Yami! Let's go make out then have hot, rabid sex!!"

**2****nd****: THIS IS RATED TEEN FOR PETE'S SAKE!!!! Anyway, that was said more seductively than needed…**

**1****st****: Really? I thought it was quite blunt myself…..**

**2****nd****: **_**It was both!!**_

**Bakura**"Listen to him Pharaoh, you might just get some for once! I mean me; Akefia and Ryou have been at it for weeks!"

**Ryou** "Yeah Yami! We fuck like rabbits."

**Akefia** "Except it's 3 of us rather than just 2…"

**1****st****: TeeHee He's blushing…… I think we should up the rating, what do you think, readers and 2****nd****?**

**2****nd****: Hmmm… It would give us more freedom in what we write… hmmm…**

**PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL US WHAT YOU THINK!!!**

**Joey** "Yami~~ Me and Seto have PUPPY LOVE!!"

**Seto** "Yup. He's an animal in bed."

**1****st****: Is it me or are all the characters sleeping with someone with the exclusion of Yami 'coz we all know he's a virgin……Yugi isn't though… (See chapter 1) **

**2****nd****: Either way, it doesn't reall~ly matter, does it?**

**1****st****: I dunno I only do this job for the money**

**2****nd****: **_**WHAT?!!!!**__** You get **__**paid**__**???? **_

**1****st****: Yeah just my pocket money though and then I can't do this job for long 'coz my bed time is at 7……**

**2****nd****: Since **_**when**_**? I want to get paid!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAH!!!!!**

**1****st****: calm down 2****nd**** and have your bottle and nap**

**2****nd****: …..What **_**exactly**_** are you talking about…? I'm older than you!**

**1****st****: It's sunny outside dontcha think?**

**2****nd****: Hmmm… Good question….**

**The Boss of 2****nd**** and 1****st****: It's official. They both have the attention span of a goldfish…..**

**2****nd****: Ummm… When did we get a boss?...**

**1****st****: I don't know…… I think it's our split personalities….**

**2****nd****: …………OK!**

**1****st****: Anyway on with the show!!!!**

**Yami** "You're all ganging up on me!! … But OK, sure Yugi, let's go!

**FIN**

For now anyway mwahahahahahahahahahahaha~ Nya

Meow!

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Treason: It's finally done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KC: Doo wa diddy diddy dum diddy doo~

Treason: Yay!!! Um….. How old do you think the narrators are KC?

KC: I wonder…..

Treason: See you next time!!!!!

**R&R IF YOU WANNA BUT BE WARNED I'M WATCHING YOU!!!!!!**

**O-O**


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